That following Saturday, was a nightmare that thankfully turned out in our favor. I was downstairs with our oldest boy, Brian was upstairs with the other kids. He started to feel chilled, so he stepped into the garage for a moment. My daughter was on her tablet right by the front door. Meanwhile, someone had taken the chain off the front door and Zach decided he'd go on a "little adventure." Brian had come back in the house and came downstairs. I asked him where Zach was. We started searching the house and yard, his hiding spots, etc. we asked our daughter if she had seen him and she said no, but we noticed the front door was unlocked. We quickly gathered everyone up and checked all around the neighborhood. Still no Zach. A friend of ours came by to help and I lost it. I was having a panic attack. I could tell my lungs were full of air, but I couldn't breathe. Thankfully, Brian held it together but was still panicking on the inside. My friend started knocking on doors and a neighbor who I don't know, but my friend knew came out of their house and asked if she knew of anyone looking for a little boy with red hair. She said yes and went in and saw him just relaxing watching cartoons. When he saw her he got all excited and ran to her. Our prayers had been answered! I remember just hugging him and crying on my neighbor thanking him for finding our little guy. His response put me at ease. He simply said "this neighborhood is family." I couldn't have agreed more!
The days that followed weren't exactly the best. In fact it was far from it. The next day we were all getting ready for church and my oldest two left the house. I immediately went after them and was still haunted by thinking we had lost our son the day before. I was so upset that I told Brian I needed to go for a walk. I didn't know where I was going, I just knew I needed time to think and process things. The thought came to me to go to the local park so I did. As I walked, I prayed for help. My emotions were so close to the surface. I had to keep it together. As I got to the park, I saw that it was empty. I was alone. I sat on a swing, closed my eyes and just started swinging. I remember pouring my heart out to God and just sobbing. All of a sudden I open my eyes and see this bird descend and perch itself on the playground close to where I was. Then it looked at me for a moment. The first thought that popped into my head was when Christ was baptized and the Holy Ghost descended like a dove. Obviously, I am in no way comparing myself to Christ, but for me it was a reminder that I wasn't alone. It was a reassurance that everything would be okay. It's funny how something so simple could be so profound. From that moment, my tears dried up and I thought "okay, I will be okay." I found peace and solace that day. That park became the holy place or a sanctuary of sorts for me. It was just what I needed to keep me going.
The next day was the first day of school. I took Jairus to his classroom and started putting donations in his teacher's bins she had for everything. Tali then tells me she is going to class so I hurry and take her things to her class. I turn around and little Zach is gone again! I then check Tali's class, go back to Jairus's class and he's not there. My thoughts went back to that previous Saturday and I thought "not again. This cannot be happening again. I cannot handle this." I see someone from my ward and ask her if she had seen him. She said no, but she helped me look for him. I went around the school one way and she went the other. I finally found him by the kindergarten teachers who thankfully recognized him and held on to him.
The following day I had taken Zach to his first day of preschool. I had to rush back home to pick Jairus up because they went half a day for the first week due to reading assessments. I see Jairus and he ran over to me. I started talking with another teacher who happens to be our Relief Society President and I turn around and Jairus is gone. By this time, I'm wondering what the heck is going on with my children. We had had several talks about this very thing countless times over the past couple of days. I didn't know if it was just the excitement of a new school year or what, but I seriously felt that I could not take anymore of this. I go look at the bike racks and his bike and helmet are still there so I know he didn't leave. Then, I check with his teacher, she hadn't seen him. I check by the van. He's not there. I check in his classroom. He's not there. I see another woman in my ward, and ask if she could call my neighbor that lives across the street because I didn't have a cell phone and couldn't remember her number. I thought maybe he walked home and was sitting on the porch or something. One of the kindergarten teachers was keeping an eye out for him along with his teacher. Then someone asked me if the boy they just brought in was mine. I went into the office and sure enough he was there. Apparently, his sister had lunch the same time he was getting out so he went to look for her at recess behind the school. Another teacher saw him and brought him in. I was so glad to see him, but at the same time I was so mad that he just took off. As I was getting ready to leave, my RS President said to me "it looks like it was a happy ending." Then she said something jokingly that I know she meant to be light hearted and to ease the tension, but it was too soon with everything that had gone on that as soon as I was out of sight just broke down. I was feeling like a failure as a parent. I did however start counting my blessings over the last few days. It seemed to help me not slip into a depression and just lose it and give up.
The next day was Back to School Night. Brian and I decided we would split up. He would take Jairus and Zach to Jairus's class and I would take Tali and Silas to Tali's class for their presentations. Jairus's let out sooner than Tali's so he just came to her class. I look over at Brian who was holding Silas and asked him where Jairus and Zach were. They had wondered off and started playing in this little amphitheater room. By this time, I thought "I am going to either have a heart attack or get a bleeding ulcer from all of the stress and worrying" I had done that last week.
Last week, I got an email from Tali's teacher that said she had been coming in late from recess and would spend way too much time hanging out in the bathroom before lunch. She did the same thing at the beginning of last year so I decided to go and talk to her previous teacher to see how she handled things.we came to the conclusion she may just be testing her boundaries. I had emailed her current teacher and talked to the principal about it and what I would like done if it happened again. She would lose her recess privilege and have to stay in and write sentences or the rules. Thankfully, things have settled down a bit and we haven't had anymore problems with that or children running off since. Knock on wood.
One day as I was in the middle of all of this the best thing happened. Our three old came up to me one morning, gave me a hug and said "I happy mom." Nothing could have melted my heart more than that. He then he started naming body parts (eyes, ears, etc) in German. Man, I love this kid! Then, our daughter was having a difficult time getting back into the school routine and wouldn't get up. Earlier that morning I had cut up some fresh cantaloupe because she had wanted some. She was running behind schedule so I told her that I had cut up cantaloupe for her (and everyone else). It was kind of funny how fast she moved after being told she could have some if she hurried and got ready for school. Haha! I had to laugh at that being her motivation.
Although this school year started off to be a bust, I think despite everything, I have seen some incredible blessings, prayers have been answered, and peace has come at the right time and I've gained a stronger testimony that God is aware of me and my family. He knows us and loves us. What more could I have asked for?
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