Acceptance

Today I had an ah-ha moment.  After all my worrying and belly aching about what day our little guy would be born, a thought had come to me.  In the grand scheme of things and looking at things in an eternal prospective, I realized that birth dates aren't going to matter.  That is something that is only temporal.  It isn't going to matter who shares the same birthday as us mainly because we are our own individual.  We all are raised differently and born in different circumstances.  Despite what some may believe about astrology, just because you share the same birthday with someone you may despise, does not mean you share the same character traits as them.  Granted, I don't really believe the hokey stuff about astrology.  My whole thing was I didn't want my son sharing his birthday with a man I despise.  I was unrealistic in thinking that they would have the same personality.  I am actually okay with whatever day our little guy comes.

As I've been contemplating this all day, these thoughts came to me as I was driving and listening to some church music.  So I decided to make a deal with God.  I don't really care anymore about what day our son is born as long as I could go into labor on my own and make it to the hospital on time to get an epidural instead of being induced on Wednesday as planned.  I really don't care much for the pitocin.  So as I wait for our little man to come, I will be happy with just being able to meet the little guy instead of worrying over a stupid date.  

False Alarm

This morning at about 1:24 am, I started getting regular and consistent contractions that had started to increase in intensity.  I charted them for about an hour and a half.  They were about 3-4 minutes apart on average.  I thought oh great this is it!  I called Brian at work, he came home, I was able to get a kind woman from my ward to sit with the kids and then we were off to the hospital.  When we got there, the nurse told me I was dilated to a 3 and about 75% effaced which I thought was odd considering the last two weeks I was 80% or more effaced.  So they strapped me up to the monitor and then told me to go walk around.  As I did so, the contractions got so painful to the point I would hold on to something and bend over to catch my breath.  The last time I was in labor and reached that point I was asking for the epidural.  I have a low threshold for pain, but try to toughen it out.  As the time progressed, the nurse came back and told me they were going to discharge me because I was only dilated to a 3, possibly a 4, but my cervix was now "mushy" whereas before it was "firm."  I was so upset.  I seriously just wanted to break down.  So my hubby and I decided to go to IHOP for some breakfast and then head to his parent's house so we could relax, take a nap/sleep.  We didn't want to drive all the way back home and waste all that money in gasoline so we decided to stay somewhere closer to the hospital.  Now I am just waiting for contractions to start up once again.  Oh goody!  :P  I really hope this little guy decides to come today.  It is getting a little too close for comfort to the date that I don't want.  My fingers are crossed and I'm praying a lot that things work out.

Appointment Disappointment

Well today I went in for yet another doctor appointment.  Apparently with all of the contractions and pressure I'd been feeling, I was still the same as last week.  3 freakin' centimeters!  Grrrrrrr!  I could have sworn I would have been progressed much further by now.  I seriously wanted to start balling!  Like I mentioned in my last post, I REALLY don't want to have our little guy on the same day as my biological father's birthday (July 29th- this coming Monday).  To me, that would just be so cruel!  My doctor told me that if I didn't have him by Wednesday the 31st, then she would induce me.  So now I get to stress all over again about finding someone to watch my kids while we are in the hospital.  Yay!  :P  

Today I was bound and determined to at least try to progress a little, so my kids and I went to the zoo with my mom and stepdad and my friend and her daughter to see if that would help.  While we were there, we saw two signs that had two baby monkey's birth announcements AND we saw a baby giraffe ( which for me is good luck considering the day I went I to labor with Tali, I saw a baby giraffe too).  I'm considering it a sign or a good omen.  Just kidding.  It's just wishful thinking.  

If anyone is actually reading this blog, PLEASE pray for me that I will go into labor before next week or that things will work out to where my kids will be taken care of, my doctor will be able to be there for the delivery, and that I will NOT have him on the 29th.  I am seriously getting scared to death!  Who knows, it may just be the hormones talking.  Thanks to the handful of people who actually continue to read this blog and don't think I'm completely wacko!  :)

38 Weeks

Today I am officially 38 weeks into my pregnancy.  Things have been so strange with this pregnancy.  There would be days where my contractions would be pretty regular and then they start getting further apart and then just stop.  It was so frustrating.  Yesterday the royals Prince William and Kate had a little boy and I was getting so frustrated because it seemed like things were progressing so much and then nothing.  I even wondered if I would be going into the hospital, but I am still here.  The thing that makes it worse is that people keep asking me "oh you're still around, huh?"  On the one hand I think to myself I'm only 38 weeks.  I'm not overdue.  On the other hand, I feel overdue.  I think that may be because I'm getting frustrated with being limited in my activities.  That and the fact that i was also early with both my other two kids.  

The closer it gets to the end of the month, the more nervous I get about this little guy coming on the same day as my biological father's birthday.  I know that shouldn't bother me, but it does.  I know this may sound selfish, but I also don't want our baby to be born today or on Pioneer Day (July 24th) because I want to see the fireworks and not from a hospital window.  On the other hand, I don't want to worry about what I'll do when Brian goes back to work his schedule this week on Thursday.  It makes me very anxious.  

This coming Friday is my last doctors appointment that I had scheduled mainly because I kept forgetting to schedule two more around my due date and also because I usually go early anyway.  I'm really hoping if nothing happens between now and Friday, that I will be far enough progressed that my doc will admit me.  I also worry about who will be available to watch my kiddos depending on when we have our little guy.  I guess we'll see how this week plays out.  Right now I'm just trying to have faith that everything will work out.  

Good with the Bad

Well, I have good news and I guess not so good news.  Good news- I was able to pick up my free double electric pump that was from our insurance.  Bad- Today at my doctors appointment, I found out that my body is making progress, however it wasn't exactly what I would have hoped for.  Last week after my appointment, I had started contracting consistently, however they didn't increase in intensity and then they just stopped.  Then, any time I would stand from a sitting position, I would start contracting.  So this week when I went in, I expected to have progressed much more than last week.  I had definitely noticed the little guy had dropped.  This week I had progressed only one centimeter but little man's station position was a -1 when last week he was at a -2.  The thing that made it worse was my doc had told me that she was expecting I'd be at a four or a five in dilation and then she would have admitted me, but since I was only at a three, I'd have to wait.  Then, she also told me that my body is currently more progressed now than I was when I was admitted and in labor with my other two  kids.  Can we say depressing?!?  I know this may sound selfish, but I am so done.  It has been very frustrating and difficult with the kids when I can't run or bend over to pick things up or even pull weeds to make my yard look presentable.  Brian can't really do yard work because of his work and sleep schedule.  I just hate not being able to do simple tasks.  I am also really wanting to meet our little guy!  Oh, the woes of the impatient.

On the upside my doctor did say that she didn't think that I would go more than a week or two more.  So, when I had got home from my appointment, I started to finalize packing for the hospital...just in case.  I also started becoming more concerned about what would happen if I did go into labor during the middle of the night while Brian was at work.  I swear someone is seriously watching out for me because two women from my ward had offered to either drive me to the hospital or call them in the middle of the night if I needed to.  I am feeling so incredibly blessed despite the disappointment I was feeling earlier today.  I am feeling so loved and I know that I am not forgotten or merely just another person in the universe.  I love the friends and neighbors I have!  I love where I live!  They may not know that by such a simple gesture or a simple act of service or kindness, how much they have blessed my life.  All in all, I guess it wasn't such a bad day after all.